censura deest
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Submissive
We started the drive home and he said to me
'Shut up! From this point on you will not speak, you will do only as I say.'
I was completely caught off guard but for the strangest reason - I submitted to his demands.
'Pull your pants down and play with your clit.'
It was a ten minute drive home and for ten minutes, I played with my clit as he drove while casually looking my way from time to time.
'Go in the bedroom, undress, no more touching yourself - from this point on you are my submissive little slut. You will not touch me or yourself until I say it is okay.'
For the next thirty minutes or so it was him watching me with great intent to not only get off but to control everything I did. He watched me lower my pants and remove my shirt as he slowly stroked his cock. I was getting highly turned on and he knew it. He made sure that when I removed my panties I would turn my back to him and lower them with my legs straight as I bent completely over and he could see right through me.
I stood completely naked in front of the bathroom mirror as he watched me freshen up my make up and hair. He would stand just close enough for me to feel his hard cock against my body. He would continue to stroke his cock with one hand and take his other hand and place it between my legs to feel my wetness while watching my reaction in the mirror. I was not allowed to do anything other than get ready.
'Put this on.'
On the bed was a black tank dress that when worn hugged every curve and danced around my ankles, This was a favorite of his. I slipped it over my shoulders and it fell over my naked body as I could feel his warm breath against my neck.
We ended up at a busy restaurant and he had made his demands clear before arriving. As the waitress was taking our order he demanded that I lift my dress up so I could again play with my clit as she spoke and as he ordered for the two of us. I always ordered for myself but not tonight. He wanted full control and I was just to take it. It was not a request, I was his and he would have me as he wished. I played with my clit, he ordered and she knew nothing.
He would watch me eat and the conversation was lacking considering I was not allowed to speak, only to think and wonder what was in store for me next.
We drove home in silence. He never demanded anything. He drove slowly and took the longest way home making it even harder for me. I was so turned on by this because I couldn't do anything but my mind was racing in anticipation of being penetrated by him. I wanted it; I wanted to release my body fluids in which he was creating.
As I went to the bathroom he stood in front of me with his cock pulled out of his pants stroking it and slapping my face with it as I peed.
'You like being slapped with my cock don't you?'
It seemed like time was moving so slow as I could feel my heart racing and my cum wanting to rapidly flow from my cunt into his mouth. I was having a hard time not touching him, feeling him inside me. I wanted his cock in my mouth, in my pussy. I wanted it badly and he wouldn't do it. I couldn't do a thing until he said so.
He wiped me after I finished peeing, slowly taking his fingers and thrusting them into my cunt. I could feel his breath sharpen against my neck again as my muscles tightened up against his touch. It was the first real touch since he told me to submit. It was the moment I had mentally begged for. Then he stopped.
He walked me to the kitchen where he layed me on the table and undressed me. I couldn't help him - he did it all. He watched my chest rise up and lower as I continued to spill wetness on the table which we would eat dinner and talk about our days. The blinds to the kitchen were wide open and pulled up all the way. We could be seen by anyone who was looking. He wanted that and in the silence of my yearning - I wanted it too.
I started to speak, I couldn't help it as it was such a natural reaction during the moment of pure erotica. Suddenly he took my chin with a forceful hand while holding on tight and said to me 'What the fuck did I tell you?' 'You are not to speak!'
I wasn't scared, I was turned on and there it was, the moment where I felt like I was being raped. In essence I was and my pulsating pussy was throbbing, screaming for his cock.
While continuing to tightly hold my chin he lowered his head until his lips were between my legs. With the slightest touch he licked my clit and blew a soft breath, just enough to make me quiver. Just as I started to melt within that moment he pulled me up, shoved his fingers in my mouth to open it and then fucked my mouth with his cock. It was the hard thrusting that had me gagging. He saw my eyes twater and he wiped my eyes until my mascara was smeared. He continued to fuck my mouth with a stearn hold on my hair. He thoroughly enjoyed the sound I made while I retched perfusely on his cock. I was his and I was exactly what he craved at that very moment.
It wasn't much longer, although it seemed as though it took forever, before he was fucking my cunt. Bent over the kitchen table he spread my legs, placed my hands behind my back while holding them still with one hand and his other hand held my head down while he fucked me. Not just fucked me but raped me.
It was a one time thing and I have craved it many times over since then.
'Shut up! From this point on you will not speak, you will do only as I say.'
I was completely caught off guard but for the strangest reason - I submitted to his demands.
'Pull your pants down and play with your clit.'
It was a ten minute drive home and for ten minutes, I played with my clit as he drove while casually looking my way from time to time.
'Go in the bedroom, undress, no more touching yourself - from this point on you are my submissive little slut. You will not touch me or yourself until I say it is okay.'
For the next thirty minutes or so it was him watching me with great intent to not only get off but to control everything I did. He watched me lower my pants and remove my shirt as he slowly stroked his cock. I was getting highly turned on and he knew it. He made sure that when I removed my panties I would turn my back to him and lower them with my legs straight as I bent completely over and he could see right through me.
I stood completely naked in front of the bathroom mirror as he watched me freshen up my make up and hair. He would stand just close enough for me to feel his hard cock against my body. He would continue to stroke his cock with one hand and take his other hand and place it between my legs to feel my wetness while watching my reaction in the mirror. I was not allowed to do anything other than get ready.
'Put this on.'
On the bed was a black tank dress that when worn hugged every curve and danced around my ankles, This was a favorite of his. I slipped it over my shoulders and it fell over my naked body as I could feel his warm breath against my neck.
We ended up at a busy restaurant and he had made his demands clear before arriving. As the waitress was taking our order he demanded that I lift my dress up so I could again play with my clit as she spoke and as he ordered for the two of us. I always ordered for myself but not tonight. He wanted full control and I was just to take it. It was not a request, I was his and he would have me as he wished. I played with my clit, he ordered and she knew nothing.
He would watch me eat and the conversation was lacking considering I was not allowed to speak, only to think and wonder what was in store for me next.
We drove home in silence. He never demanded anything. He drove slowly and took the longest way home making it even harder for me. I was so turned on by this because I couldn't do anything but my mind was racing in anticipation of being penetrated by him. I wanted it; I wanted to release my body fluids in which he was creating.
As I went to the bathroom he stood in front of me with his cock pulled out of his pants stroking it and slapping my face with it as I peed.
'You like being slapped with my cock don't you?'
It seemed like time was moving so slow as I could feel my heart racing and my cum wanting to rapidly flow from my cunt into his mouth. I was having a hard time not touching him, feeling him inside me. I wanted his cock in my mouth, in my pussy. I wanted it badly and he wouldn't do it. I couldn't do a thing until he said so.
He wiped me after I finished peeing, slowly taking his fingers and thrusting them into my cunt. I could feel his breath sharpen against my neck again as my muscles tightened up against his touch. It was the first real touch since he told me to submit. It was the moment I had mentally begged for. Then he stopped.
He walked me to the kitchen where he layed me on the table and undressed me. I couldn't help him - he did it all. He watched my chest rise up and lower as I continued to spill wetness on the table which we would eat dinner and talk about our days. The blinds to the kitchen were wide open and pulled up all the way. We could be seen by anyone who was looking. He wanted that and in the silence of my yearning - I wanted it too.
I started to speak, I couldn't help it as it was such a natural reaction during the moment of pure erotica. Suddenly he took my chin with a forceful hand while holding on tight and said to me 'What the fuck did I tell you?' 'You are not to speak!'
I wasn't scared, I was turned on and there it was, the moment where I felt like I was being raped. In essence I was and my pulsating pussy was throbbing, screaming for his cock.
While continuing to tightly hold my chin he lowered his head until his lips were between my legs. With the slightest touch he licked my clit and blew a soft breath, just enough to make me quiver. Just as I started to melt within that moment he pulled me up, shoved his fingers in my mouth to open it and then fucked my mouth with his cock. It was the hard thrusting that had me gagging. He saw my eyes twater and he wiped my eyes until my mascara was smeared. He continued to fuck my mouth with a stearn hold on my hair. He thoroughly enjoyed the sound I made while I retched perfusely on his cock. I was his and I was exactly what he craved at that very moment.
It wasn't much longer, although it seemed as though it took forever, before he was fucking my cunt. Bent over the kitchen table he spread my legs, placed my hands behind my back while holding them still with one hand and his other hand held my head down while he fucked me. Not just fucked me but raped me.
It was a one time thing and I have craved it many times over since then.
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Inevitable
I really have nothing to say - nothing that I can articulate effectively. I just know that it was inevitable to end up where I am now.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Three
I had always heard that in life things happen in three's and when it comes to decorating you should do the same. Why should fucking be any different?
I have spent time, sexually, with three men. Not at the same time although having two penetrate me simultaneously would be nice.
In the beginning of this non-physical threesome, I found myself growing, tearing and searching for who I was and what it was I wanted. I guess you can say a lot of things but I will just term it as testing the waters. Though the process is still ongoing I have learned that relationships, love and monogamy is basically bullshit. Relationships are expected and they equal drama; love is made from the mind and equals heartbreak; monogamy is a joke and equals failure.
I have witnessed too many times the reality of such.
I have watched and listened during my intimate moments with each man and each of them are great in their own ways. They each provide satisfaction which sustains me until the other, in some capacity, is present.
None of these men are committed to me and it has been made clear that there will be no commitment. At first, with two of them, I was a little taken back. I wondered why; why would I not be worth the commitment? It is not about whether or not I am, I believe it is that they are not capable, and the strength to search for the why is non-existent.
It is quite interesting spending time with these three. They are worlds apart and yet the volumes in which they speak to me is immeasurable. Their personal belief's; politics, religion, love and relationships are so unique and so telling of the world in which we live in. They are each different but one thing remains the same for two of them, they are done with relationships. These two men could not be any more different even with that one thing in common.
First - I have never met anyone like him, truly one of a kind in my life. When we are together in the silence of the evenings between us, I sway to motion of his breaths between his words. I love him and have for a long while. He is the man that if I was to ever fall victim to society and embark in a monogamist relationship all others will be compared. He found his way into my soul slowly creeping in without warning. This man knows my innermost thoughts, fears, demons and pushes my creativity, encourages my growth and is undying in our friendship. He speaks the loudest to me, I hear him when the silence is deafening. With him all losses are restored and sorrows end.
Second - This is a different love. My love for him has always been there. We used to be together years ago. We were always off and on. We reconnected and shared our true feelings towards one another. The problem, which there will always be at least one, is that we changed. Change is expected and welcomed but only when you know it is a part of growth. Our love for each other was the same but we, internally, had changed. Our life goals, belief's, desires had changed throughout our lives in each others absence. He really brought out the fun side of life. The live life experience which I was lacking. He took my hand, heart and mind and we walked through memory lane, laughed and loved. He is a strong willed man and with that, he has chosen to be alone - with the occasional sexual encounter which we always rock it out.
Third - I do not love him. I really know nothing about him. I like him, I care about him and I even have him in my thoughts sometimes during the day. He is a sexual deviant and I am his slut. He pushes me sexually, he wants to know what it is I want, long to have sexually, bar none. Just what nasty, inconceivable, unacceptable by society, kinda sex do I like? I tell him. You see, I can because he has that ability to get not only me but others to expose their hidden truths. It is a power and one that is scary yet comforting at the same time. Maybe it is because I realize I am not sick because others feel and think the same way I do. Maybe it is because I am sick just like the others that feel and think the same way I do.
As I have said, they each speak volumes to me for different reasons and each I will continue to love for what they contribute to my life. Whether it is what I gain from them, what they offer willingly, provide sexually or to fill that void that I am obviously missing. Depending on the reason chosen, I at some point or the other have needed each of them, loved them, laughed, fought and cried because of them.
Each are a constant without actually being one.
I have spent time, sexually, with three men. Not at the same time although having two penetrate me simultaneously would be nice.
In the beginning of this non-physical threesome, I found myself growing, tearing and searching for who I was and what it was I wanted. I guess you can say a lot of things but I will just term it as testing the waters. Though the process is still ongoing I have learned that relationships, love and monogamy is basically bullshit. Relationships are expected and they equal drama; love is made from the mind and equals heartbreak; monogamy is a joke and equals failure.
I have witnessed too many times the reality of such.
I have watched and listened during my intimate moments with each man and each of them are great in their own ways. They each provide satisfaction which sustains me until the other, in some capacity, is present.
None of these men are committed to me and it has been made clear that there will be no commitment. At first, with two of them, I was a little taken back. I wondered why; why would I not be worth the commitment? It is not about whether or not I am, I believe it is that they are not capable, and the strength to search for the why is non-existent.
It is quite interesting spending time with these three. They are worlds apart and yet the volumes in which they speak to me is immeasurable. Their personal belief's; politics, religion, love and relationships are so unique and so telling of the world in which we live in. They are each different but one thing remains the same for two of them, they are done with relationships. These two men could not be any more different even with that one thing in common.
First - I have never met anyone like him, truly one of a kind in my life. When we are together in the silence of the evenings between us, I sway to motion of his breaths between his words. I love him and have for a long while. He is the man that if I was to ever fall victim to society and embark in a monogamist relationship all others will be compared. He found his way into my soul slowly creeping in without warning. This man knows my innermost thoughts, fears, demons and pushes my creativity, encourages my growth and is undying in our friendship. He speaks the loudest to me, I hear him when the silence is deafening. With him all losses are restored and sorrows end.
Second - This is a different love. My love for him has always been there. We used to be together years ago. We were always off and on. We reconnected and shared our true feelings towards one another. The problem, which there will always be at least one, is that we changed. Change is expected and welcomed but only when you know it is a part of growth. Our love for each other was the same but we, internally, had changed. Our life goals, belief's, desires had changed throughout our lives in each others absence. He really brought out the fun side of life. The live life experience which I was lacking. He took my hand, heart and mind and we walked through memory lane, laughed and loved. He is a strong willed man and with that, he has chosen to be alone - with the occasional sexual encounter which we always rock it out.
Third - I do not love him. I really know nothing about him. I like him, I care about him and I even have him in my thoughts sometimes during the day. He is a sexual deviant and I am his slut. He pushes me sexually, he wants to know what it is I want, long to have sexually, bar none. Just what nasty, inconceivable, unacceptable by society, kinda sex do I like? I tell him. You see, I can because he has that ability to get not only me but others to expose their hidden truths. It is a power and one that is scary yet comforting at the same time. Maybe it is because I realize I am not sick because others feel and think the same way I do. Maybe it is because I am sick just like the others that feel and think the same way I do.
As I have said, they each speak volumes to me for different reasons and each I will continue to love for what they contribute to my life. Whether it is what I gain from them, what they offer willingly, provide sexually or to fill that void that I am obviously missing. Depending on the reason chosen, I at some point or the other have needed each of them, loved them, laughed, fought and cried because of them.
Each are a constant without actually being one.
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Easter 2012
Another holiday - Easter 2012.
I don't like holidays. They make me sad for a few reasons and I have just gotten to a point of not celebrating them. It is neither here nor there on if I believe or not - they just make me sad.
It reminds me that I have no one in my life, the few I have are far away and what comes to mind the most is my lack of good parenting and love.
I am not a believer that there are any 'good parents' so to speak, I just believe that I have failed my own.
I don't take my children to have their pictures in the bluebonnets, sit in Santa's lap or even hide eggs for Easter. I used to but I stopped.
I suppose in a way it is about love and that is what I feel is being shoved in my face and because I lack the love given, I lack giving it in return.
I am coming to realize that most in life in revolved around love in some way and I hate the idea.
Love has always lied to me.
I don't like holidays. They make me sad for a few reasons and I have just gotten to a point of not celebrating them. It is neither here nor there on if I believe or not - they just make me sad.
It reminds me that I have no one in my life, the few I have are far away and what comes to mind the most is my lack of good parenting and love.
I am not a believer that there are any 'good parents' so to speak, I just believe that I have failed my own.
I don't take my children to have their pictures in the bluebonnets, sit in Santa's lap or even hide eggs for Easter. I used to but I stopped.
I suppose in a way it is about love and that is what I feel is being shoved in my face and because I lack the love given, I lack giving it in return.
I am coming to realize that most in life in revolved around love in some way and I hate the idea.
Love has always lied to me.
Friday, March 23, 2012
Poison & Wine - The Civil Wars
If I am ever to be loved - this is what I could only hope it would look like...
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