It does not seem like that hard of a question. Especially if we are discussing dinner or plans for the evening. However, that is not what I am referring to. I did not ask the question - he did. He asked it about my future; about my life. What do you want?
I have lived my life for others. This is not something I realized until the last few years. I never asked for anything, I just did what everyone else did. I had children, went to work, cleaned house, cooked dinner, went to bed and repeated it day in and day out for many numb filled years. It was always easier to just go with the flow because to honestly go after what your dreams are is in essence a nightmare. Being that I followed others with the desire to break free I ended up losing who I was and what I stood for. I ended up without a dream of accomplishing something greater than myself. I became a sheep within the realm of society. Because of this I lost the true meaning and ended up stuck with wanting what all sheep want when they finally realize they are free. - - To live fully - - to be loved completely - - to be happy and ultimately angry because I fell victim.
So now I sit with having to answer the one question that should not be difficult. Answering is not the issue - - fulfilling the obligation that I am destined to fulfill will be within the scrapes and bruises of the mountain I must climb.
I have a purpose and it is to help others. I have a knack for it and I enjoy it immensely. I have a way of soothing others when they are stuck and depressed within their own lives. Maybe that is because I understand so well. Not only do I enjoy that but I also enjoy photography and writing. I enjoy learning of others and hearing their deepest secrets as in fears and desires. I have the ability to listen but most importantly to hear them. Working in the medical field has given me many subjects thus making a difference has been readily available. But now something has changed. I find that people do not have the true appreciation, understanding and acceptance to what is given. - - Life - - I do not long for appreciation myself but I do believe that it is there but not with humans but with animals instead.
My place is with animals and not as a feral child but as a student to what they have to offer. I will start my journey with canines. Canines are many and in no way near extinction. However they are dying rapidly by the same exact diseases that humans do. They get cancer and I do not know why. They cannot smoke but are in an environment where smoking is near. They acquire cancer at alarming rates both young and old which I believe that no canine can ever be old but we are limited in the time we have with them. Old is a humans perspective, not an animals. I want to know why they get cancer but at this point there are others that aspire to be the sources of those causes. So where can I fit in and do something different but help those that ultimately cannot help themselves when it comes to this dreadful and deadly disease? I can tell their story. I can show that they actually live and that dying is not an option. I can show you what you have never seen before.
What will I gain from this? There has to be a selfish act in here somewhere. It goes hand in hand - - respect - - love - - admiration - - loneliness - - fear and happiness. I am sure there are more but that is what comes to mind. Interesting enough, it is not about money because to truly fight for what you are meant to accomplish in life - money cannot and should not be the deciding factor. There are many more riches then the almighty dollar bill.
However, there is this one thing I must tend to first. This must happen in order for the true value of life to encompass my own.